It's a one person (plus dog) day at Naq Towers today as the missus (gawd bless 'er) is off visiting one of our friends who has recently become yet another sufferer of the dreaded big 'C'

So what to do for my building-up brekky?

Do I feel like cooking? Nah, not a lot. Do I hear the call of a cafe? Oh yus!

And so, with purchased paper in hand I head off to a cafe which used to be a pretty regular haunt of mine prior to marriage making me cut back on my fried breakfasts externally sourced.

Now this place used to be very busy on a saturday despite being a bit 'back of beyond'. Few cars but normally loads of cyclists. I made my way into the car park and it was pretty full although this turned out to be clients of the other businesses on the plot.

Into the cafe I go to discover I'm the only customer. Strange, thinks I!

The woman, behind and leaning on the counter exchanges the normal banal pleasantries and asks me what I'll have.

I reply that I'll have a coffee and......

That's when I notice that the menu, previously listing a multitude of variations on the great British gut busting, cholesterol laden, artery hardening fry-ups is conspicuous by it's absence.

It's not on the wall where it had once hung, nor is it on the counter nor are there any on the tables.

I look at my watch - it says 10:30am. Ah well maybe I've missed breakfast although can't say that answer really feels right.

I look around again and notice a very small, old blackboard, about 12" by 16" which has the following written on it.

Hot Dog ......(price)

Jacket potato....(price)

Soup.... (price)

and that was it.

So I ignore the board and ask where the breakfast menu is or have I missed it?

"Oh no" comes the reply and wait for this....

We no longer serve anything with bacon, sausage, eggs or such like

I waited a moment while my brain struggled with the enormity of this statement.

Surely I'd misheard. Surely I wasn't in a cafe that didn't serve any real food but only that which could be nuked in 1 minute 30 seconds and produced as something vaguely edible?

My fog of disbelief was clarified when the woman assured me that all they now sold was what was on the chalkboard and the asked "So what would you like?".

While she asked this she even had the temerity to tie on a proper cooks apron as if about to produce the worlds finest haute cuisine.

Trying hard to suppress my disbelief at the situation I merely pointed at the board and said "So that's the entire menu then?" and was rewarded with a nod of the head as she brushed down her spotless apron.

I raised my eyebrows and apologised, saying that I was sorry but I was afraid that I didn't find the prospect of a jacket potato or a hot dog overly edifying as a breakfast substitute and that, thank you very much, I wouldn't bother.

She merely shrugged and took off her apron, returning to leaning on the counter as when I arrived.

I for my part, having checked that today was April 3rd and not April 1st revisited, got back in my car, drove home and cooked myself up a double sausage, double bacon, double egg with tomatoes, beans and mushroom extravaganza which, with a huge mug of tea went down a treat.

Ee' by gum but... I remember days when you could get some proper snap in side yerself in't cafe.

Seems them days, like everything else British are fast becoming a thing of the past.